Sigh. I know I've made it no secret on this blog that I'm not really a baby/pregnancy/wedding, rah rah yay type of person :) Believe me, I wish I was. I despised basically every moment of wedding planning (remember the wedding meltdowns?) and I've basically dreaded being pregnant since I first realized that some day I probably would have to be (seriously, can someone please invent a way for men to do this? I'd be a great dad!).
Now that I'm at Week 26 (what?!) I can officially say there have been many surprises for me in this process. In some ways I have hated it more than I expected to, but in many others I have enjoyed it more than I expected. There are moments where I'm actually enjoying researching what car seat and baby carrier I want (but not the stroller, that brings back angry wedding planning Kelly), pinning nursery ideas and even the zen of prenatal yoga. I enjoy every moment that involves this little boy kicking all around and making himself known. The other day I discovered I can SEE him move and this brought about a whole new round of entertainment and giggling.
But sometimes I just get grumpy. I guess everyone does. This week, I am grumpy. It's a combination of problems most of which cannot be blamed on this baby. I've done all my parent conferences in the last week (finish today, wahoo!). I like meeting with parents, but it's exhausting especially because I am still expected to be teaching as normal throughout all of this. Then, I somehow ended up with a super over scheduled weekend, that was fun but not at all restful. Just for fun, let's combine this with daylight savings, which I enjoy in the morning but just makes the nights long, cold and dark. So dark. Also, am I getting sick or does this scratchy throat thing just like to return every few weeks to freak me out?
I was looking back at pictures from earlier this year (as I start to put together Christmas presents) and I was just getting sad looking at all the fun things I used to do. I visited breweries and wineries and ate yummy dinners that I really enjoyed (for some reason I really kind of hate eating out now…). I took a lot of pictures, and I had energy and I went on beautiful runs and bike rides. I know, I know, it's only 9 months… but really, my energy, freedom, workout ability is not going to return with a newborn, so it's not just 9 months. I have no idea what the future holds as far as what social events I'll be able to manage, what wineries I'll be tasting from, how many dinners out I'll really be enjoying. I know, I KNOW there is so much more to look forward to. I know that no mom in the world would care about a brewery over her baby (nor will I). I know that many would give up wine for the rest of their lives if it meant a healthy baby at 26 weeks. I know all these things… and yet. I am a super grump. I am tired. I want to sleep and read and suddenly like food again and have no one bug me for multiple days. Unless it's to bring me a grilled cheese. Even you, kindergartners who just CONSTANTLY need their shoes tied and coats zipped.
But alas… I'm approximately 14 weeks away from having a baby, which pretty much guarantees I will never have another day without someone bugging me again. Sigh.
And for my final rant… I just despise any and all pregnancy books. I haven't made it through a single one, which is unlike me because I am usually happy to read about basically anything. I can't stand the negativity (ironic- I know). Yes, I know I'm not going to sleep for the rest of my life, stop reminding me! Then I started trying to read what I thought would be an informative book on breastfeeding and I wanted to tear it up instead… all I learned was that the author is going to JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE everything I do. Go away, I'm returning you from the library and I'll figure it out when the baby comes. The end.
I promise my next post will be filled with so much cheer you will forget this grumpiness even happened. I promise.