You knew this post was coming right? The night of July 31st I went to bed and had my first "back to school" nightmare. It involved having 40+ kids in my class while my other K teacher friends had 10. With that I welcomed the month of August. The Sunday of Summer. The infamous month of the August breakdown. I think I'm at my quota for breakdowns in the year 2014 so I'm going to try to ward off a complete flip out by just admitting it: I'm kind of freaking out.
I thought that since I've already been back to work for 2 months as a "working mom" I wouldn't be as worried about going back in September. But, when I went back to school in April I was really just in survival mode. I basically had enough time to see how incredibly hard it was, but not enough time to come up with solutions to make it less impossible. Plus, I freak out every August, so clearly this year was going to be no exception.
Here is a little of my current concerns/worries:
1. It's going to be a lot harder to leave Max now that he is older. I actually left him more often as a newborn than I do now. Plus, he will actually probably know I'm gone now.
2. Max has decided to start waking up in the middle of the night again. I'm sure he is just doing this to freak me out before school starts again. But still.
3. I am so worried about what my class of 23 and counting kids are going to be like. Last year I had a pretty easy group and I still felt massively overwhelmed trying to get everything done in the limited time I have at work now. How in the world am I going to do it when I have a harder group?!
4. Plus, what if they are just crazy?
5. What if their parents are crazy?
6. What if Max never takes a nap because I can't nurse him to sleep?
7. What if I don't have enough time to get all my kids names on things before open house?
8. Should I sign Max up for swimming lessons? I have always looked forward to doing swim lessons with my baby ever since I taught them… but are they going to mess up his naps? Am I going to wake up and actually move on a weekend morning after doing it all week? Will it just add an obligation to an already too full schedule? Or will I be super bored and want to take him to swimming? I. DON'T. KNOW.
9. When am I going to work out? Will I ever work out again?
10. What am I going to take for lunch?
So… clearly I'm super calm right now. I know logically it will all be fine and if any one of these things are not fine, worrying about it is not going to help. So make me stop. Thank you.
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I think it's completely normal - and expected - for you to freak out a bit. You were busy as a teacher in the first place so adding in the care of a child, which is now your #1 priority, is going to make finding a balance even tougher. I hope that you can find ways to make it all work. I think that you should sign up for the swimming lessons and if you decide it's too much, stop going. I know it sucks to lose money but it might be a fun bonding experience for you and Max and will give you something to look forward to (hopefully?).
ReplyDeleteDay by day, you'll figure things out. You've got a great husband and a supportive family in the area. If it's starting to feel like too much, maybe look into things like a grocery delivery service? Any small thing that will give you some time back is worth it in my opinion! Good luck! I know you can do it but I know it's all so daunting!
Where did my comment goooo???
ReplyDeleteYay, you freaked out, put those worries out into the Universe and can now go back to enjoying summer, right?!? =) Oh, and about those swim lessons ... do it. It will feel good to get your weekend morning started. And no, it won't mess up his naps - he's going to fall asleep in the car the minute you finish that lesson. Physical exertion is EXHAUSTING!
ReplyDeleteI definitely think you should sign up for the swimming lessons and I totally agree with Lisa, if it sucks and you hate it, stop going. Your sanity is more important than a bit of money. But I think you will like it! Plus it's SOOOO important for babies/kids to start getting comfortable in the water early! Plus really baby swimming lessons are just jumping in circles and blowing bubbles - mostly the mom is the one blowing the bubbles :) At least that's what they were like when I taught them six years ago!
ReplyDeleteHope you can get some relief with all the stress soon. Here's one for ya - stop worrying about it because most of it is out of your control :) :) Easier said than done though, right? You are a GREAT mom and a GREAT teacher and you will do great!
I wish I could come take you out for a Friday night beverage so we could hash all this out ijn person :) Since this is not an option, let me just say that I COMPLETELY understand and any time I can be a person to talk to--don't hesitate to text me.
ReplyDeleteI echo the sentiments of the others--I think you will enjoy the swimming lessons. It will be a nice bonding experience for you and Max.
Sending lots of hugs. I start school Monday. Sunday night is going to be hell :(
I'm having a lot of your same worries. I started leaving Grace at daycare when she was 5 months and she did great. That part wasn't too hard (since I only work half day), but this time around, I am definitely wondering what it's going to be like as a mama of two. I am really afraid of being a zombie at work on the occasions that I have nighttime wakers. And, I am ALWAYS terrified that I will get an awful group, a super huge class, or just one really challenging child. My back to school dreams started last night. They weren't awful, but in one I took maternity leave at the beginning of the year and was returning to a room where another teacher already had my class and I couldn't find my Pete the Cat book, then in the next segment I was reassigned to 4th grade and everything I had planned was way too babyish for the kids. I have no advice other than to say I hope everything goes smoothly particularly with leaving Max.
ReplyDeleteI think your concerns are valid and I know you will figure them out as you go, but I am still laughing SO hard at "... the month of August. The Sunday of Summer." OMG Best Ever!
ReplyDeleteYou probably can't just drink your problems away all day, what with the baby to take care of and the parents frowning on their kids Kindergarten teacher teaching drunk (prudes). Seriously though, anyone in your position would be freaking out, but things will work themselves out, you and Max will get in to your groove and you'll make great memories this school year. Good luck and enjoy these last summer weeks.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure these are all legit things to worry about! I don't know if I can help you stop at all but I can tell you that you are doing great, you have been doing great and you will do great, even if you don't feel like it (meaning, we are all harder on ourselves than we need to be). I"m cheering you on from afar and sending you hugs. xo
ReplyDeleteUgh I am so with you. It just all seems so overwhelming! I'll be honest I was all going to do swimming lessons with Isla and then I didn't. Still haven't I started at 18 months and took them until high school. But knowing my child it wasn't probably a good idea because she'd freak out or her nap would be messed up and I don't mess with sleep. Now I'm just waiting until winter sessions because the fall is too busy to start another thing with her starting preschool and me teaching two sections and I want her to be old enough that I dont have to get in the pool because I thnk she'll do better without me. Bu yeah, I need to get off the internet and work on school crap. ugh.
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